Monday, January 04, 2016

Transparency

My heart is breaking.

The group I have worked so hard to create is falling apart before my eyes.

It is hard not to take all the comments and losses personally. After all, I have spent countless hours doing research for the ladies, supporting them, getting to know and love them.

But the group does not belong to me--it belongs to God.

He gave me the conviction to start it.

He gave me the terms with which to run it.

It is his and he can take it away as he sees fit.

The accusations I have faced today are serious and I will be addressing them to the best of my ability.

First, I am a Christian. I came to Christ at a Billy Graham convention when I was 7. My brother was saved the same day. We received signed Bibles that I still have and treasure.

I was baptized when I was 11 and completed my membership at First Baptist Church of Park Street when I was 14. Since then I have struggled in my walk, leaving the Church for awhile but returned while pregnant with my son.

I am currently exploring several churches including my mother's Catholic church. Whatever church God ends up leading us to be members of will be His will and a blessing to our lives I am confident of this.

I do not share many pictures or even stories of my children because they deserve their privacy. They do not have the ability to tell me they don't want something shared so I try to keep them sheltered for now. They are 3 and 3 months, a boy and a girl named Rho and Evie respectfully.

My husband is in the Army Reserve and works as a military intelligence contractor. There is not much else I can say about him other than he is currently deployed, I'm not sure where and I'm not sure when I will hear from him again.

I have a different last name on my account for my protection. We have faced threats in the past and we decided to keep our social media as separate as possible. When bad things happen, my Facebook will often shut down for a day or two until we are certain things are safe again.

Lastly, my policy remains the same here as in the group: I do not delete posts or people. You are free to delete your post at any time but are still held responsible for what you have said so please choose your words wisely.

I strive to encourage and support all of you. Today has been a very hard day for me to continue to do that. I have doubted myself, my faith and what God has asked me to do. I work very hard to offer all that I can to all of you in the manner God has convicted me to.

God placed on my heart over the summer to strive to be a Proverbs 31 and Titus 2 woman: to have a humble and meek spirit, a mild manner, a gentle voice and above all love and respect towards all that I meet. He convicted me to lead you all with kindness and gentleness. I have given my very best to do this while pregnant, going through marriage trials and PPD.

I am sorry if I have let any of you down, it is the furthest thing from what I want to do. I hope we can all recover from this, forgive each other and move forward as God would have us.


Blessings,

Audrey

5 comments:

  1. I am glad you followed your impression to create this beautiful blog and fb group to help serve your fellow sisters in Christ. I am soo sorry for all the pain caused this day, and hope that it doesn't stop you from continuing you mission. You are an inspiration. Not because you are perfect, but rather because you continue to strive to be the woman God would have you be. Don't give up. hugs

    ReplyDelete
  2. God bless you, Audrey. I read the posts from today. I am surprised to see such a great division in Christian women. I pray you find your family's church home,wherever it may be, and have peace with that decision. I pray that all women of Christ-following faiths can put aside differences and coexist.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am praying for you. It is a difficult thing you are going through on top of not having your husband home.
    "By this shall all men know that you are my disciples,if you have love for one another."
    Christ said it.
    Prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Audrey. Thank you for all you do and have done. I pray you find hope today in the unlovely. People are just challenging to handle and deal with. It's so unfortunate that many see fit to tear one another down. Please know, I am not one of those. I am praying for you to have rest and peace in the midst of this and for God to direct you. Praying safety over your husband as well.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thank you for all that you do and all your hard work running the group... especially with two little kiddos! Will send prayers, hope you find a wonderful church home that you love. I was raised Jewish / Presbyterian (not baptized) and converted to Catholicism when I was 22... happy to share more of that story if you ever want :) Thank you for including us in your Christian group.

    Best wishes and God bless,
    Michelle

    ReplyDelete